Why Expats Feel Stuck After Moving to the Netherlands

(And Why This Is Completely Normal)

Moving to the Netherlands is often a well-considered decision. There is excitement, opportunity, and a sense of starting a new chapter.

Yet many expats experience something unexpected after a while:a feeling of being stuck.

This usually doesn’t happen immediately. It often appears 6 to 24 months after relocation once daily life has settled.

If this sounds familiar, you are not failing. You are experiencing a very common and well-documented phase of the expat journey.

The Myth of “Once You’re Settled, Everything Falls Into Place”

Many expats expect that once they:

• find housing

• start working or studying

• understand the systems

  life will automatically feel aligned again.

  
  

In reality, the opposite often happens.

Once the practical chaos fades, deeper questions surface:

• Is this career still right for me?

• Do I still recognize myself in my choices?

• Is this the life I actually want to build here?

  
  

This is not indecision. It is transition.

Culture Shock Is Not Just About the First Months

Culture shock is often misunderstood as something that happens only at the beginning. In fact, research on cross-cultural adjustment describes several phases:

1. Honeymoon phaseEverything feels exciting and new.

2. Frustration phaseDifferences become more noticeable and tiring.

3. Adjustment phaseYou learn how things work and become more functional.

4. Reflection phase (often overlooked)You start evaluating deeper life choices.

   
   

Many expats feel “stuck” during this fourth phase.Not because they can’t cope but because they finally have the mental space to reflect.

The Identity Shift After Relocation

Moving countries does more than change your address. It changes your reference system.

Roles that once defined you student, professional, expert, achiever may suddenly feel less clear.

Common experiences include:

• feeling less confident than before

• questioning past choices

• comparing yourself to locals or other expats

• feeling “in between” identities

This identity shift is normal. You are no longer operating within the environment that shaped your earlier decisions.

Your old identity doesn’t disappear but it may no longer fully fit.

Why Career Doubt Peaks After Settling In

Career doubt among expats often increases after stability is reached.

There are several reasons for this:

1. Decisions Were Made Under Pressure

Many expats choose jobs or studies quickly to secure:

• income

• visas

• structure

These choices are often practical, not reflective.

2. Comparison Becomes Louder

Once settled, comparison starts:

• with Dutch colleagues

• with peers back home

• with other expats

This can create doubt, even when things are objectively “going well”.

3. The Question Changes

At first, the question is:

How do I survive here?

Later, it becomes:

How do I want to grow here?

That shift brings uncertainty — and opportunity.

Feeling Stuck Is Not a Sign You Chose Wrong

This is important to say clearly:

Feeling stuck does not mean:

• you failed

• you made a bad decision

• you need to leave the Netherlands

• you should start over immediately

It usually means:

• your situation has stabilized

• your values are changing

• your next step requires reflection, not speed

Growth often feels uncomfortable before it feels clear.

What Helps When You Feel Stuck as an Expat

While there is no quick fix, there are constructive ways forward:

• Slow down decision-making instead of forcing clarity

• Reflect on who you are now, not who you were before moving

• Separate external expectations from internal motivation

• Get guidance when choices feel overwhelming

Clarity does not come from thinking harder. It comes from understanding yourself in your current context.

A Final Thought

Many expats believe they should feel grateful, successful, or settled and therefore feel guilty for feeling stuck.

But feeling stuck is often a sign that you are ready for a more conscious next step.

Not because something is wrong but because something is changing.

And that change deserves attention, not judgment.

If you are an expat in the Netherlands navigating questions about study, career or direction, know that you are not alone. Clarity is a process and you don’t have to go through it on your own.